“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Devotional
Sis… Let’s be real for a second. You’ve been carrying things you never planned to carry this long. Pain you learned to function through. Disappointments you never fully processed. Moments that changed you, but you didn’t get time to grieve. You kept going because you had to. Because people needed you. Because stopping felt wrong!
But hear me: just because you survived it doesn’t mean you’re healed from it!
What you’ve been carrying matters. What you’ve been feeling matters. And you don’t have to downplay it to prove you’re faithful or resilient. God sees every tear you swallowed and every moment you pushed through when you wanted to break.
Here’s the truth: acknowledging pain doesn’t make you weak, it does the total opposite!!
Healing starts when you stop pretending you’re “good”!
Healing starts when you’re honest about what really hurt you!
Healing starts when you take the mask off!
Yes it hurt!
Yes you cried!
Yes you almost lost it!
Yes..IT HAPPENED!!!
But God!
This is the day you stop brushing it off and start telling the truth….first to God, then to yourself.
This is the day you stop pretending and start feeling!
This is the day YOU TAKE THE MASK OFF!!
You deserve peace! You deserve joy! You deserve to heal!
Today, we do this together!
Today, you begin your healing!
Today, you deal with the hurt and accept God’s joy in return!
You got this sis! And always remember… I got you!
Love you to life,
-Pastor Joni
Prayer
Lord, meet me in the places I’ve been avoiding. Give me courage to feel so I can finally heal. Amen.
Reflection Questions
- What pain did I survive that I never gave myself permission to heal from?
- What mask have I been wearing to keep going—and what is it costing me?
- If I were completely honest with God today, what would I say hurt me the most?
11 Responses
Lack of respect…. the hurt from previous relationships…. I let it all out and told the people how I felt…. it was a relief after I let it out…
I’m proud of you. For real.
Because disrespect and relationship hurt will sit in your body like poison when you keep swallowing it. But you did something healthy! You gave your pain a voice. You told the truth. And the fact that it felt like relief is proof you were carrying too much in silence for too long.
Keep pushing through and speaking up!! You got this!!
Love you big! – Pastor Joni
So excited
Me too!!! – Pastor Joni
1. I’ve survived…continuing to live, pain from my father, broken promises/heartaches, my pawpaw’s death, not hearing any sorrys, being lonely and misunderstood, things I probably should’ve never been around and witnessed as a child that made me grow up, engaging in reckless behaviors and activities to feel a void, etc….
2. There’s not just one particular mask I wear; there are many. I’m an expert with putting up a facade but I’ve gotten to the point I’m tired of smiling all the time or laughing when I’m not happy. I have an on and off switch when it come to my emotion and mastered it so well that I can do it at any given moment with no hesitation…I just go blank and stop…feeling anything especially now without my vices I use to have. I disassociate myself from the world. I put my feelings on the back burner because that’s what I’m use to people doing to me and I don’t want to be a burden. It costs me to be isolated and lonely but it also has its benefits I guess.
3. I would tell God that losing my pawpaw hurt me oh so deep. He was my bestfriend, the closest I had to a daddy, he was my safe space, my happy place, my breath of fresh air in this world filled with chaos. I didn’t need my father because I had my pawpaw there for me. I’m not mad at you God I’m just hurt, depressed, lonely, angry but at my father mostly & that side of the family, God I’m sorry to admit it but we’re being honest right? I would have much rather it be my father than my pawpaw that you took. He was suppose to be here to walk me down the aisle, me and him had plans smh…you left me with this man I came from that don’t even know how to love me I can’t stand how he loves me!!!! I’m my pawpaw first grandchild that he won’t be able to experience nor witness me having a baby. And my baby will be his first great grandchild with his namesake. That hurts. We were super close and now I don’t have him and he hasn’t visited me Lord why is that?! Everything hurts….why would you allow me to feel so much and not just pain but other emotions too?! Why would you let me see my pawpaw the very last moment? I mean I know why but whyyyyyyy?!?!?! And take him from me?! I’m sorry Lord I just don’t understand and still hurting and my baby due 03/28/26 my pawpaw passed 03/24/24 what a reminder that is…..
Xariya!! I’m so proud of you!! Thank you for being brave enough to write all of that out. I need you to hear me clearly: what you shared is REAL. And I’m so sorry you’ve had to survive things that never should’ve been on your shoulders as a child.
And losing your pawpaw? That kind of loss is deep. The way you described him…your safe place, your closest thing to a daddy, your best friend…no wonder your heart feels like it’s aching in places you can’t even explain. Grief like that doesn’t just “go away.” It changes you. And it’s okay to admit it still hurts.
I also hear you about the masks. That on/off switch… the blankness… the isolating so you won’t feel like a burden. That’s not you being “too much.” That’s what happens when you’ve had to protect your heart for a long time. But I’m proud of you for saying, “I’m tired.” Because tired means you’re ready for something different… ready to heal for real.
And let me say this too: your honesty with God isn’t disrespectful…it’s relationship! He can handle your questions. He can handle your anger. He can handle the part of you that’s confused and the part that’s still hurting. God is not intimidated by your truth.
That date connection you mentioned (03/24 and your baby due 03/28) whew… I know that feels like a reminder that punches you in the chest. But I also want you to hold this: your pawpaw’s love didn’t end. It planted. And now you’re carrying legacy. Your baby is not just a reminder of loss… your baby is also evidence that life is still happening through you.
Listen… you are not alone. We are all covering you!!
I love you big!! – Pastor Joni
1. The pain of losing a friend to unforeseen circumstances.
2. The mask of being the strong friend and daughter , it’s costing me my happiness sometimes because I feel I can’t be truthful about what I’m going through.
3. What hurt me the most is never being able to tell my story on people that did me wrong. I’m always looked at as the bad guy for things I had every right to be upset about.
Morgan, I’m so sorry. Losing a friend unexpectedly will shake you in a way people don’t always understand because it’s grief and shock at the same time. Just know what you feel is 100% valid.
And that “strong friend / strong daughter” mask… whew. I know that one. But hear me…being strong all the time is not the same as being healed. Strength without space to be honest will start stealing your happiness little by little. You don’t have to keep performing “I’m okay” just to make everybody else comfortable.
And about never being able to tell your story… that hurts. When people only see your reaction but not what you had to endure, they’ll label you as the “bad guy” for finally having boundaries or finally speaking up. But having a right to be upset does not make you wrong. It makes you HUMAN.
Let me say this with love: God sees the full story even the parts people ignored, twisted, or never asked about. And I truly believe there will be a season where your truth will be clear without you having to defend yourself to everybody. Sometimes God doesn’t vindicate you with a microphone… He vindicates you with fruit, peace, and a life that speaks for itself.
For today, here’s what I want you to hold onto:
You’re allowed to grieve that friend.
You’re allowed to take the mask off.
You’re allowed to be honest even if it makes people uncomfortable.
And you’re allowed to heal without needing everybody to understand your side.
I’m proud of you for showing up! You’re not the villain… you’re just tired of bleeding in silence. And that ends today!
Love you! – Pastor Joni
1.The pain im trying to survive is the death of my husband and feeling as though I failed my kids.
2. I’ve been wearing the mask of I got this.. No one is going to know
3. If I were completely honest with God I failed myself in area of my life.
Nakellea!!! I’m so, so sorry. I can only begin to imagine the hurt and pain you’re experiencing from losing your husband!! And the fact that you’re still standing for your kids right now? That doesn’t sound like failure to me. That sounds like a mother who’s been carrying more than one heart can hold!!
Listen to me clearly..you did not fail your kids because life happened to you. Grief will lie to you and make you feel like everything is your fault, but that is not the truth. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They needed you present, loving, and healing one day at a time.
And that “I got this… no one is going to know” mask… I understand why you put it on. When you’re the one everybody leans on, you learn how to hold yourself together in public and fall apart in private. But listen, you were never created to carry this alone. Not emotionally. Not spiritually. Not mentally.
Now let me speak to that last part: “If I’m honest with God, I failed myself.” God already knows, and He’s not disgusted with you. He’s not shocked by you. He’s not done with you. Conviction is God calling you closer, condemnation is the enemy trying to crush you. And what I hear in you isn’t somebody God is rejecting… it’s somebody God is rebuilding.
You no longer have to walk alone! We got you!
Love you big!
-Pastor Joni
The pain I’ve survived I’ve never gave myself a chance to heal from was childhood trauma , being put in a group home at such a early age, bc my mom decided she didn’t want any kids, I’ve never understood why till this day she did that but I guess it wasn’t for me to understand, she didn’t even know me , my aunt raised me . I’ve gotten in therapy to help me with letting that go , but I also know forgiveness start with myself. And I can’t keep holding on to it. But I don’t have a relationship with my mom , I want to but it’s hard for me right now , she will never apologize for giving us away or give us an explanation .
The mask I’ve been wearing is being so strong all the time , being full of life , smiling , when deep down inside I wish I came from a regular family. Just bc I chose to try breaking generational curses , I get called a hypocrite or I think I’m better than everybody else, at times I feel it’s costing me my peace but I block this out and do what’s best for me and my family I’ve created.